The man in the cubicle next to you has been wheezing with flem since November; your boss is far more aggressive than passive; and while you sit in traffic on the way to work, you dwell on how little you get paid.

Time for a new job, yeah?

Here are three class ways to leave a job:

1. Mess with your colleague’s computers by setting an alarm for the day after your last day. Have it display a memoric message, such as “remember when Rick set off the fire alarm? That was prime.”
2. Hire someone to come into the office dressed provocatively and ask for you by just your middle name. Walk out with him/her, arm in arm, talking loudly of dinner together at fancy restaurants and moving somewhere exotically placed.
3. Wait until your screensaver goes black. Then wait until everybody in the office leaves. Say goodbye to each of them, even if you don’t know their names. Put your feet on your desk. Wait until the janitor empties the trash. After you say goodbye to him, make your way to the lights, those sickly fluorescent lights, and make them go away. Back at your desk, once your eyes have adjusted, get contemplative. Sit there, in the dark, yes, thinking about all the time you spent in that chair, working your work and being employed. My how time passes, you know? All those past lunch hours. All those five-minutes-to-five’s. Gosh, can you still remember your first day?

How to Move without a Job